Blah.... I'm so tired lately, but I'm also restless and it just doesn't work.

I've been in a better mood though lately, so that's a good thing.

I don't really know what to put today =/

But I decided to go and rewrite my story, cause I've been thinking about it and I just wanna re-do the whole thing. Plus I'm typing up a super weird dream I had the other night. Ima post it once I'm done typing it, and I'm not going to alter the dream at all so you'll see my hyper active imagination at play. Haha. You'll prolly be sitting there reading it thinking what in the world?

BTW if you have not listened to Beautiful by Eminem go freaking listen to it right this second. It's sooooooooooooooooooooooo good. And super true.

Well, just 3 weeks ago a friend of mine died and I'm still trying to get over her. Her name was Zoey, she had leukemi. She just stopped breathing, I mean, she was just here, she seemed just fine..

I remember the last time I was sitting in the lobby with her last time I was with her. We were laughing with the nurses debating over who we would have if we could have a Celebritiy boyfriend. I couln't choose between Gerard Butler or Taylor Lautner. She choose Will Smith. We were all laughing so hard that we were crying. She and I both had to get a blood transfusion. I regret not saying good bye to her that day.. Ugh, it hurts so bad.

On a lighter note my cancer is slowly dying, the tumor still isnt shrinking but it is dying. And I'm about to start cycle 11 chemotherapy outta 14 cycles. In other words about about to go home. I can't wait, I'm so home sick that I'm seriously getting sick from it. Raidiation is going just fine for me. But the weightloss is kicking in, I'm just slowly starting to lose my weight and I'm just not eating as much.

Cancer is hell in almost all ways possible. I wouldn't even think about wishing on it on anyone.

Well, It's been 8 rounds of chemo(outta 14) So I'm half way done. We did more scans a such over my tumor to decide we were gonna do Surgery, Radiation, or both.

Well, my tumor has not shrunk at all. But, it's dying from the inside out.

Then we talked to the surgeon and she said because the tumor is so big(and don't forget it's on my pelvic bone and all over my pelvic area) and that since it takes up 2/3s of my pelvis the surgery will be MAJOR. To save the leg she'd have to save 2 outta 3 things, the nerves, hip joint, and Sciatic nerve. Well, she wouldn't be able to save the Sciatic nerver and hip joint, so the surgery would be an amputation. She'd had to completely remove my right leg. So of course we said no to the surgery.

Now when it comes to the raidiation the doctor said she could kill the cancer, no problem. And the only side effects to that would be freakin soreness and diarrhea. That's it. We're doing raidiation.

And also we found out that my tumor is not active. Which is great.

Much better accually. I got a little web camara thingy for my xbox 360 so I've been able to atleast SEE my friends and it helps sooooo much. Plus I made a friend down here who also has cancer and him and I have been hanging out some and I feel alot better. Plus so far everything is going as planned and the pain in my back is dissappearing. The tumor has shrunk so much. I've lost like 8 pounds from all this and its not from not eating cause I eat alot. Haha.

I miss my baby sooooo much though. I miss my Chika, she turned 6 months yesterday, that means she's getting closer to bein full grown and I'm prolly gonna cry when I do see her cause I missed her growing from a lil puppy to a big puppy. God I miss her. I wanna see her sooooooo bad, like I'm crying now cause I wanna see her. It truely sucks. Big time.

My best friend from California, his name is Brock, always talks to me in video chat on xbox live and it's crazy cause he has a mutt that looks sorta like Chika and that dog is his baby and so he always has her with him and it helps me out sorta. I still miss my baby. My birthday is on June 19th and so my birthday wish is to see my Baby. My mom said okay, so I am holding it to her.


The only thing that is truely wrong is at night I get scared sometimes when I have no one to talk to, It scares me when I dont, like I seriously get terrifed. But I've even found a cure for that. I wanna share it with you, its outta the Bible and currently my fav verses. Acts 2 - 25 I kept the Lord before my sight always, for with him at my tight hand nothing can shake me. (26) So my heart rejoiced my tounge delighted; my body, too, will rest secure, (27) for you will not abandon me to Hades or allow your holy one to see corruption. (28) You have taught me the way of life, you qill fill me with hoy in your presence.

Cause of this cancer situation I've been away from home for what seems like ever and jeez... I'm like lonely to tears, I have not face to face talked to another kid in over 2 months. It's depressing. And I lost all my hair which doesnt help.

Grr I want this to be over.

Halo 3 has helpin me through the day. A friend of mine and I made a clan in Halo 3, so it's keepin me very entertained.